The distinguished thing

[mme_hardy]

As y'all know, my husband's mother, 83, has been declining; he visited last summer, but she hasn't wanted him to come again "until she's feeling better". We got a call this morning, and the doctors are expecting her to die within a week.

I love her. She's been saying for years that this was older than she ever expected to be, with a strong undertone of "or wanted to". So I got my husband tickets, dropped him off at the airport, and we all wait. I hope she goes easily. I am very fond and proud of her, but the last few years have been a series of unpleasant illnesses: a heart attack, two strokes, one of which took away her speech and reading. She mostly recovered her speech. Then this fall she broke a leg and was moved to her assisted living's health-care center, which she hated. They use the same space for people with dementia and people who have (say) broken a leg or have pneumonia. There are people wandering in and out, she couldn't even go to the bathroom by herself. Her language has been deteriorating from the shock and the unhappiness.

Now she's lethargic and refusing to eat or drink. It's time, but it's still a sorrow. We won't forget her, nor will the many people she helped in her communities. She had a happy marriage, four children she was proud of, and eight beloved grandchildren. A good life, and yet I'm still crying.

Comments

[oursin]

Sending good thoughts to you and other family members. It's hard.

[sabotabby]

Condolences. It's hard, even with a rich, long life.

[nestra]

I'm sorry. You guys have had a rough few years.

[sovay]

A good life, and yet I'm still crying.

Love.

[sartorias]

That is so hard. I hope it can go easy, and that her memory remains a treasure.

[oracne]

I'm so sorry. May her passing be easy.

[mildred_of_midgard]

The best lives are worth crying over. My condolences to you and everyone touched by this.

[ankaret]

I'm sorry. All of this is so hard.

[nineweaving]

Oh, this is hard. My heart goes out to you. Love.

Nine

[skygiants]

I'm so sorry. It very much sounds like her memory will be a blessing.

[castiron]

I'm very sorry for your loss, and I hope the end is peaceful.

[loligo]

My sympathy to you and the whole family.

[julian]

Sympathies. And I'm glad you knew her for as long as you did.

(And yeah, I hope she goes easily, too. Sounds like she's ready.)

[cofax7]

I'm so sorry.

I hate the way we manage dying in this country. It needs to be more kind.

[clanwilliam]

I'm so sorry. Good thoughts to you all.

[tree_and_leaf]

Thinking of you. It's still hard.

[coughingbear]

I'm sorry, and thinking of you.

[executrix]

Jeffrey Rosen's "Conversations with RBG: Ruth Bader Ginsburg on Life, Love, Liberty and Law" is not a good book but it has a lovely epigraph from RBG:

Even when one is all grown up, death of a beloved parent is a loss difficult to bear. But you will honor your mother best if you carry on with your work and days, thriving in the challenges and joys of being alive. Isn't that just what she would have willed?"

[askerian]

sending you guys hugs.